I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I will pee on everything he values.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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