Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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