sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize