if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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