we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
