I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
