Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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