I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
