I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
