i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
