As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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