I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
