You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
