I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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