i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
