mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
