Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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