I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
