You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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