Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Are we still banned from the library?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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