First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
