pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
