her vagine was all disorganized.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
