Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
