So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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