I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
