I hope mine doesn't look like that
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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