i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Oh god it's open bar.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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