Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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