Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
