hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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