I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
