You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you didnt know i had herpes?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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