Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
