So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
