I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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