I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
how drunk are you?
Several
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
