two words: eviction party
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
