They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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