I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
