i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
