oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize