I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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