We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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