No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My ass is underappreciated
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize