I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
