Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
