Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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