also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It was confusing and full of hummus
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
