I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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