he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize