He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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