i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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