This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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