Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize