She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
