I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
