What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
