Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
