WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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