I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
