pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
MIDGETS
????
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
