If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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