Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
