I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
